Another Lesson in Happiness

I usually like to think that I can handle things well. After some events that occured two years ago, I felt like I could handle a lot more, and even let unfortunate circumstances disappear all but unnoticed.  Sometimes I even felt like I could offer advice to others, because I'd been through the difficult things that they were going through. Then God decided I had some more learning to do...

Over late spring/early summer, I went through a series of difficult events that made me feel emotionally and physically lower and lower. It seemed that every few weeks, as soon as I started to get control of one problem, another would arise, crushing me all the more. As the weeks progressed, my overly-confident mindset of before - the mindset that really nothing could hurt me because of my strongly reinforced walls of non-feeling - completely deteriorated. I felt completely crushed, hurt, angry, confused, and absolutely exhausted. I felt like nothing could help me again for an unknowable amount of time. I started turning to pain, because that was something tangible that dulled the emotional pain with which I struggled. 

I have my dad to thank for helping me through this pain. My dad's had to go through quite a lot through out his life, and as such, I know he can give some sound advice when you feel like giving up. He told me that it wasn't enough to block tough times out of your mind. Burying problems doesn't take them away - they'll just resurface at some later point when you're hurting from something else. Instead, I needed to rebuild from the core: my heart was hurting and I was depressed with these feelings at my core, and in order to really be happy, I needed to change my heart, accept what had happened with the knowledge that life wouldn't always be like this, and move on. I had to find the good in my situation, and the only way to do that was to change the anger and hard feelings in my heart.

After this discussion, and working on rebuilding my heart, I also turned to things that could boost my energy and spirit. Since my personality gravitates toward stories and characters, that's where I looked. If any of you have seen Disney-Pixar's "Inside Out," you'll know who I'm talking about (if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it). I gained a lot watching the character, Joy, both how her personality helped Riley in steady times and how she teamed with Sadness later on. Her character made me realize that it is possible to live joyfully, looking for the things in life that make yourself and others around you happy. It also made me realize that life isn't all happiness - Joy and Sadness make a team. But without the right mindset, you'll only have one or the other. I learned even more over the past few months how incapable I am of controlling some events. But it's how I face these events that makes me stronger and happier. Sadness is completely normal, but it's important not to let it, or my anger, take control. 

It's a long lesson to learn, and sometimes it's extremely painful and difficult. I'm not saying that it can be fixed in a short time - it took me months, and I'm still repairing some things - it may take even longer someday. But I do know that through all this, I've grown stronger, more confident in myself, and happier.